So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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