Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize