I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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