and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
why is half of my head shaved?
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