I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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