He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
