I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
