Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
