Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
