oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
