Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
