i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just crazy horny about you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
