I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
