Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
