like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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