Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
