i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
