I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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