My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
