booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
