i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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