I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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