Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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