I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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