He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm always down for nudity.
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