I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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