Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We left the knife in your bed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
