We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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