So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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