Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
