Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
