Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
