i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
