Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
