I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to calm my uterus...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
