I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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