how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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