I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I supernannyed him into submission
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize