dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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