A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
