You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
