Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
