so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
