If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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