Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
