the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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