Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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