Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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