Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
