Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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