My liver just broke up with me...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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