Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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