he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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