Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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