Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So vagazzling was a success
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
