She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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