Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
