you have to choose: penises or morals?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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