I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
