There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drunk is not a location!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
