Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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