No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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