He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize