but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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