That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
