i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
