those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize