You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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