if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
