wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She told me I should be a condom model.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
