there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
