My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
