Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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