She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
