So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
