it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
