At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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